Crack Couples
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: I will be pairing up the oddest people as couples in the FMA universe. Will include Yaoi and Yuri but nothing heavy at all. Mostly humour but some angst and fluff. Rated T for languag.
1. Couples 1 to 3

**1) Mei x Fletcher**

Fletcher was hurrying down the street with a large brown bag of various plants in his hands and part of his hat covering the top of his eyes. He was in a rush to return home to his older brother otherwise Russell would start getting protective of Fletcher. Remembering the way back to where he was staying, he quickly tried to maneouver himsel down the street without bumping into anybody.

Until he bumped into a small girl.

"Ow!" The girl cried as she hit the pavement, Fletcher falling down due to impact as well. He wasn't hurt, but he noticed that he had acciently squahes some of his plants after falling on them.

"Now I'm going to have to get new plants," Fletcher muttered as he reached to pick up his bag.

"Excuse me, it seems you've forgotten about me!" The girl wailed, rubbing her head. She looked rather strange to Fletcher. Her hair was rather long and in plaits and she had the darkest eyes he had ever seen. She was also quite pretty in his eyes. He stared at her for a few seconds before he remembered to go offer her a hand up. She took the hand and got up with a sniff.

"I'm so sorry...miss," Fletcher apologised awkwardly, his face turning a bit pink out of embarrasment.

"Honestly, the people here...how rude...my name is Mei Chang," She told him in an uptight manner.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Fletcher Tringham" Fletcher earnestly smiled before saying, "I mean it was bad of me to run into you and all but if I didn't we wouldn't have talked but I'm so sorry and-"

Mei interrupted Fletcher to giggle.

"You're cute when you fumble," She giggled before turning around and continue on her way. "Maybe I'll see you around." She said.

Fletcher smiled, blushing more now. "Yeah, I'd like that." After picking up his bag he continued his walk back to his brother with thoughts of the pretty strange girl-his first ever crush. He didn't care that he was chastised by his brother for being late, he just wanted to see her again.

**2) Mustang x Trisha**

Mustang walked around the rather dull village with his hands in his pockets and took a look at his surroundings. Honestly, he had no idea why Madame Christmas had dragged him all the way to Risembool. Maybe he was going to get a new sister. Either way, he was bored. Madame Christmas had given him some money and had given him enough freedom to have a look around the town by himself. It was fun at first but now the novelty of walking around by himself had quickly worn out.

The thirteen-year old Roy Mustang sighed and walked into the post office so he could at least buy himself a bag of crisps or sweets. When he walked inside he saw that the only other people in the post office were the ancient-looking post lady and a young woman in a lavender dress with brown her who appeared to be in her twenties. Mustang ignored both of them as he went over to the confectionary stalls and spent a couple of minutes deciding what to buy before he settled on a small packet of hard boiled sweets (afterall, he didn't want to get pimples) and went to queue behind the lady in the dress. As he was boredly waiting, listening to the two older women chat about what-not, he noticed that there was a dandelion hanging on the sleeve of the lady's dress. Mustang hesistated at first before reaching on the lady's sleeve to tug the dandelion off. This caught her attention.

"Yes?" The lady asked kindly to the teenager. She then noticed that he had a flower in his hand and it appeared he was giving it to her.

Mustang noticed this too.

"Err, it's not what it seems..." He blushed at the feeling of awkwardness he had, forgetting to put his hand down. The lady chuckled a little before taking the dandelion from the blushing boy.

"How sweet of you," She smiled, "But give this to a girl your age, she'll find you ever so sweet."

Mustang felt so embarrased that he ran out of the store, throwing what he was going to buy onto the floor. Both of the women giggled before returning to their chatting.

**3) Winry x Ling**

The meeting between the Risembool Trio at the hotel the Elric brothers were staying at was initially going normally- a few insults said by Edward and Winry, planning for the future, stuffing their faces with food from the menu thanks to Edward's (almost) unlimited budget and one too many cups of sake. After two hours Winry had begun to lose control o her mind and was now giggling at the hotel wall while Edward was sitting on Alphonse's lap and crying uncontrollably- he always was a depressed drunk.

Therefore the only one who noticed Ling show up at their hotel window was a grinning Ling.

"Gah! Stop doing that!" Alphonse nearly jumped. Edward began to wail a bit louder.

"I'm a failure! I should stop doing everything!" Edward cried in his drunk state. Alphonse stood up and carried his brother to the bathroom.

"I just need to dry brother's face, I'll be back in a minute," Alphonse said, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Leaving Ling with a drunk, giggling Winry.

"Heheh, you're funny..." Winry giggled while addressing the wall. Ling cleared his throat to make his presence be known. She turned around and began to laugh and grin insanely.

"Hey there cutey! Whatcha doin all the way over there?" She slurred slightly. Ling cautiously placed himself down next to Winry, who put an arm rather sloppily around his shoulder.

"How much did you drink?" Ling asked, crinkling at the smell of alcohol on Winry's breath. She leant in closer to him.

"Not enough to forget this tomorrow, enough to not care about what I'm going to do now," She closed the gap between the two of them as she pressed her lips against Ling's rather sloppily. At first Ling tried to move away from the kiss but Winry put her right hand against the back of his head so decided he might as well enjoy getting kissed by a pretty girl.

Edward and Alphonse then decided to walk out of the bathroom. Edward begna flailing again.

"Not fair Al! I wanna kiss 'er too!" He cried before he collapsed on his bed and fell asleep.

Not that Ling or Winry really noticed.

* * *

><p><em>So this is my third list fic series. Not all of it will be humour, there will be some angst. I have no idea when it'll be next updated.<em>

_You only get an update today cos it's my birthday and my gift to my wonderful, patient readers :P_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	2. Couple 4

**4) Izumi x Armstrong**

Izumi woke up with a sore neck as she got up from her space on the floor. It was her 18th day in the North and Izumi was pleased she was more than halfway through her time. She stretched her arms as she tried to figure out what she should do today.

Half an hour later Izumi Curtis was trekking through one of the frezzing foests as quickly and as quietly as possible. She needed to secure some more food as her stash was beginning to get slightly lower than she was comfortable with.

Suddenly she heard foot steps approaching and she instantly hid herself in between the trunks of a few clustered trees. She saw one of the muscliest mans ever in her life walk obliviously by her. _This _was her definition of a real man, not the scrawny men who lived in her town. His facial hair was impressive and he had the bluest eyes she had ever witnessed. Out of shock she accidently dropped some of the wood logs she picked up earlier. The glourious man's head whipped around at the sudden noise and looked right into her eyes. She swallowed loudly.

"Let me help you pick those up beautiful maiden!" The man boomed as he approached where she was standing and bent down to gather some of the logs.

"Err, thank you, err..." Izumi, embarrased, mumbled to the man.

"It is no problem, helping people in trouble has been an art passed down the Armstrong family for generations!"

"Armstrong? Does that mean you're related to Olivier Armstrong?" Izumi asked.

"Yes, she is my dear sister." By this time Armstrong had gathered all of the wood and astood up, offering the wood to Izumi. She took it from him.

"Thank you Mr. Armstrong."

"Of course, anything for such a beautiful specimen of woman such as yourself!" Regardless of the cold temperature the man suddenly took his shirt off.

Izumi instantly fainted after getting a look at all of his muscles.

Maybe she wouldn't mind staying here for a while longer.


	3. Couples 5 to 6

**5) Archer x Dante**

Their relationship was, to an extent, just a way for both to vent their emotions in some way, both of them knew that. Archer was fully aware of the fact that Dante was all for destorying humans and Dante was aware of Archer's loyalty to the Führer, not nessecarily her. They knew that they would sacrifice the other for their own selfish needs is required, but that only added to the excitement of their relationship. Both of them were frustrated with their current situations so they transformed that ferocity into passion for each other.

As Archer deepened their ferocious kiss and Dante wrapped her arms around his neck, both of them felt a chill travel down their spines. Archer pushed Dante back against the wall in the darkly illuminated military office and began to trace his fingers around her neck, earning another chill from Dante. Dante wrapped her arms around his waist and bought both of their bodies closer as they tumbled to the floor.

What they had wasn't love, just convenient. But they wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

><p><em>I FEEL SO UNPURE JUST FOR WRITING THIS O.o Sorry if I mentally scarred somebody with this...<em>

**6) Nina x Selim (Note: Selim has the appearance of a seven year old in this. Also spoilers for the second anime/manga!)**

A young Selim Bradley looked around at the dinner table. A variety of muscular and war-torn men were all in a debate about current affairs in Amestris with his 'father' and his mother was gossiping to their wives, probably boasting about him (_"Did you know Selim grew an inch in a month! My boy is growing up so fast!"_). As such, he had nobody to talk ot at this table. Looking around at the other dinner tables at this military dinner, he saw a couple of other children looking as bored as he felt.

Selim politely excused himself and he set off towards one of the tables where there was a girl sitting with long borwn braids and looked like she was going to fall asleep as she listened to a man with short hair and glasses talk about complex bio chemical alchemy. He slowly walked up to her.

"Hi there," Selim smiled at the girl. She looked at him with big blue eyes and offered him a grin in return.

"Hi, I'm Nina. What about you?" She said with a slight lisp in her voice.

Now Selim had been alive for a couple of centuries by this point. He had seen many girls that appeared to be his age. Yet...none of them were adorable as this girl.

"Have you made a friend there, Nina?" The man with glasses asked, smiling and offering Selim his hand. "Hello, I'm Shou Tucker, the Sewing-Life Alchemist."

Selim shook his hand. "Selim Bradley, son of the President-King Führer _(AN: Such a show off-ish title...)_."

"Daddy, can I go play with him pwease?" Nina asked with wide eyes to her father. He nodded.

"Yay! Let's go Selim!" Nina excitedly took the boy's hand and together they ran off to the gardens outside.

* * *

><p>"...And that's why mummy isn't around any more," Nina finished saying to Selim. Both of them were sitting on the floor in the rose garden on the grass and had been talking about their lives at home.<p>

"That must be terrible," Selim (tried to-he was a homunculus after all) sympathetically say. Nina nodded before looking back to her hands where she was making a plaited bracelet out of the grass. Footsteps were approaching them and both of them looked up to see Nina's father.

"Nina, we have to go now," He said, offering a hand to his daughter. She took it as she got up. She frowned to Selim.

"Bye bye, it was nice seeing you," She offered him the bracelet she had been making. He took it with a smile.

"Yeah," He replied. He then saw a rose that had fallen onto the floor which had no thorns on it-just like the girl, admirable without intent to hurt. He gave it to her, which made her smie the widest smile he had seen a girl ever wear.

"I'll see you soon!" He waved to her as she walked off. He continued to wave until she was completley obscured by the night before he turned to walk back into the dinner.

* * *

><p><em>This is not paedophilia, when writing this I envisioned Selim to be in a child-mode as opposed to evil-mode. Just enjoy the fluff to help get rid of the image of the first drabble!<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	4. Couples 7 to 8

**Catherine x Hughes**

A sixteen year old Maes Hughes looked at his high school for the final time with a grin on his face. Thank god he didn't have to go there anymore. Now he could focus on joining the military to protect his loved ones, and he couldn't be more excited.

"So long suckers!" Hughes gleefully shouted to a group of freshmen and he walked away while laughing at their shocked expressions. He took a shortcut into one of the gardens and slowly walked around, looking at all of the different coloured flowers. If anything, he would at least miss sitting here at lunch time with a few of his mates. This was the only part of the school Maes actually liked and he had fond memories here...

_"The bottle's pointing at Hughes!" One of Maes' friends shouted and everyone in the circle cheered._

_"Who's the lucky girl?" A boy in Maes' sophomore homeroom asked. Most of the girls shuffled next to each other, looking horrified at the prospect of having to kiss Maes. _

_"Me." Catherine Armstrong whispered while blushing and gazing at the floor. The whole circle went quiet._

_"Hughes, ya lucky bastard!" His friend nudged him in the ribs and all the guys started to cheer. Maes stood up carefully and awkwardly shuffled his way over to the beautiful girl who was staring at him with nervous blue eyes. Hughes sat down opposite her and lent over close enough for their lips to nearly meet._

_"I...I've never done this before..." Catherine whispered so quietly only Maes could hear her. He smiled at her._

_"Me too," He whispered just as soft before leaning in and letting their lips meet for a few seconds, both of them shutting their eyes. When they finished kissing, Catherine and Maes were both smiling (Maes' smile was goofier) and he patted her on the shoulder in an awkward manner before sitting back in his place, his friends ruffling his hair and cheering._

_All that stopped when the girl's older brother, Alex Armstrong stood up._

_"MAES, I DO BELIEVE YOU JUST DE-FLOWERED MY INNOCENT SISTER!" He roared._

Ah yes, good times indeed.

* * *

><p><em>Hughes hasn't met Gracia yet so don't worry, I could never break up Hughes x Gracia ;_;<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_

* * *

><p><strong>Pinako x Fu<strong>

All was quiet in the Rockbell estate. Winry was making herself a cup of coffee to wake herself up as it was only nine in the morning, Den was happily snoozing peacefully on the floor and Pinako was sitting at the table, calmfully smoking her pipe and inhaling the smoke.

Then Edward, Fu, Alphonse, Lan-Fan and Ling crashed into the house via the main door (except for Ling who opted to take the window).

"Granny! Granny, where are you?" Alphonse shouted frantically.

"What the hell, Al? It's too early in the morning for this," Winry complained, shuffling into the room with all the sudden visitors.

"Lan-Fan's automail is busted," Ling panicked, pointing to the arm, "She can't move it!"

"I think it's the same thing that happened when a screw went missing in my arm so you can help right?" Edward asked.

"Children!" Pinako shouted as she walked into the room. Everyone fell silent.

"Now I have your attention, listen to me. Winry, dear, study the girl's automail design and style and try to deduce what exactly the issue is." Winry nodded and wordlessly motioned to Lan-Fan where to go.

"Edward, go and gather some wood from the forest, we're running low on it."

"The hell, why do I have to go?"

"Who just burst into my door, and window it seems, broke my door and was shouting hell so early in the morning?"

"...I'll be back before dinner." Edward left the house in search of wood.

"Alphonse, kindly show this man here the sofa." Alphonse did as he was asked and showed Fu the sofa. Fu plonked himself down on the sofa. Pinako picked up her pipe from the table and continued to smoke it.

"Kids these days," Fu sighed. Pinako chuckled.

"You must have your hands full with all of them to be with."

"The young prince is troublesome."

There was silence for a few minutes as Fu looked over his mask and Pinako continued smoking.

"You remind me a lot of my late husband." Fu's head snapped up at these words.

"Excuse me?"

"You seem very whimsical and intelligent, not to mention you have rather fine eyes and facial hair. I like that about you." Pinako was looking out of the window.

* * *

><p>"Bye Granny!" Alphonse waved back to the old lady standing on the porch.<p>

"You take care of your brother Al," Pinako laughed. All of the teenagers (minus Winry who wanted to stay home for a while) walked down the path.

"It was wonderful to make your acquaintance," Fu said as he hugged Pinako. She chuckled.

"You too. Make sure you visit again, it's wonderful having intelligent company around."

* * *

><p><em>Yeah...I refuse to write Pinako and Fu kissing. Just no.<em>

_Also please answer my new poll :3_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	5. Couple 9

**9) Garfield x Ling**

"Hi there!" Garfield turned around in shock after emitting a slightly high-pitched yelp when he heard a voice cheerfully address him from his window. He was even more shocked to find a strange boy crouching in said window with the brightest grin he had ever seen. The strange young man jumped into the room and walked over to Garfield, which made the latter confused about how he could actually move without walking into anything with his eyes shut.

"You're Garfield right?" The stranger asked in what Garfield deduced to be a Xingese accent (not to mention he found it slightly beautiful).

"The one and only~" Garfield replied in his natural manner.

"Do you know if Edward or Winry is here? I'm Ling by the way," Ling asked. Garfield cocked his head to the side (he wasn't sure if Ling noticed or not-his eyes were still shut).

"Who's Edward? Winry just left a few minutes ago to buy more nuts for supplies," Garfield replied, his eyes now zoning in on the young man's beautiful torso. _If only guys like Ling were around when he was younger..._

Ling furrowed his eyebrows before grinning to the man.

"Alright, I'll come back later. Thanks anyway!" Ling opened his eyes for a couple of seconds and Garfield gazed into what we felt were the darkest eyes he had ever seen. Plus with how they were squinted, it looked like this mysterious god of a human specimen was giving him smoldering eyes.

"B-bye then, see you soon," Garfield watched Ling climb onto his windowsill and then jump out of it to God knows where.

"My my, isn't Winry-chan such a lucky girl with all these beautiful guys~ She'll have to watch out, she has competition now~" Garfield chuckled to himself as he sighed and continued working at his desk. That man better come back soon.

* * *

><p><em>If I made these two actually hook up I would actually feel a little bit sick. First time writing one-sided yaoi, hope it wasn't <em>_**too**__ awkward... ^^;_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	6. Couple 10

**10) Yoki x Riza**

"I need you to find out basic information on what Lieutennant Yoki did whilst he was in control of Youswell," Mustang told Riza as he handed the file of Yoki to her.

"Yes sir," She nodded curtly before leaving Mustang's office and walking down the corridor. After a few seconds she was in an investigation room with Yoki sulking in his seat on one side of the desk with a lamp shining obnoxiously in his face. Riza cleared her throat as she shut the door behind her and took her seat at the other side of the desk. Riza could've sworn that she saw hearts radiate from Yoki's eyes when he looked at her.

"Lieutennant Yoki, I'm sure you know why you're here."

"O-of course, but first would you like me to serenade you with a song, dearie?" Yoki asked, leaning in too close to Riza's face for her liking. Riza averted her eyes from looking into the man's eyes.

"That's not nessecary, now if you would please take your seat we can begin," Riza firmly told the man. He sighed but sat back down again.

"Right. Care to tell me why there were so many people who compl-"

"Your eyes are really pretty." Yoki interrupted, staring into Riza's sherry coloured eyes. Riza instantly looked away from the man.

"Are you alright? You didn't bump your head on the way over to Central did you?" Riza asked with concern.

"Alas, I was stricken with love fever as soon as you entered this very room," Yoki woefully sighed, "The only way you'll be cured is if you take me out on a date. What do you say, cutie pie?"

Riza very nearly burst out laughing before remembering that would be unprofessional of her, so instead she coughed in an attmept to muffle her laughter.

"Well, I can tell that you're going to be rather un-cooperative with me so I'll ask Breda to interrogate you instead," Riza ran her fingers through her hair as she got up.

"Wait miss! Please don't go!" Yoki hysterically cried as he jumped out of seat, "I'LL GIVE YOU THE WORLD IF YOU'LL LET ME!"

"Goodbye Lieutennant Yoki," Riza shut the door behind her as she left the room.

* * *

><p><em>Yoki is flambouyant in nature so I hope this wasn't too bad a chapter, especially as it's been forever since updating ^^;<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	7. Couple 11

**11) Alphonse x Sheska**

Alphonse opened the door to Hughes' office with his foot as he hauled in multiple stacks of paperwork. Sheska turned fro mher seat at her desk and saw him struggling with the papers.

"Here, let me help!" Sheska cried as she got up from her seat and took some of the coloured folders from Alphonse.

"Thank you, I was worried I was going to drop them all," Alphonse sighed with relief as he carefully lowered the small mountain onto Hughes' desk. Sheska began to tear up at the sight; she knew Hughes would make her tackle part of this paperwork.

"Hey, what were you doing before I came in? Anything I can help with?" Alphonse asked, "I mean, brother's in an argument with the Colonel at the moment so I'd much rather stay away from them."

"Oh! Um, actually yes please if you don't mind," Sheska motioned to a piece of paper that Alphonse picked up and read.

"The periodic table?" Alphonse asked. Sheska nodded.

"I need to learn all of the elements and how many outer electrons they have- well actually, I just want to learn, but you know it's just a project I want to do but-"

"Let me show you an easy way," Alphonse interrupted Sheska's rant. Sheska stopped rambling and looked down at where Alphonse was pointing.

"You see this number?" Alphonse asked. Sheska nodded.

"Yes, that's the atomic number of the element Oxygen."

"That number tells you how many electrons each element has. The first outer level will have two electrons and the levels after that will have eight electrons in them. Do you get it?"

"Oh, I never knew it was that easy! I was looking far in-depth on each individual element, kind of silly of me," Sheska laughed.

"No problem. Also, you're cooler than liquid nitrogen for wanting to learn about science." Sheska looked confused for a few seconds before realisation dawned on her and she began to laugh, Alphonse joining her.

"Ha, that was a good one! When I see you next I'll tell you a joke of my own," Sheska smiled. Alphonse got up from his chair and walked out the room.

"See you around Sheska!"

* * *

><p><em>Seriously, this has got to be my favourite crack pairing yet. I can imagine them to be a really sweet but nerdy couple together! <em>

_Also thank you to people who still actually read my stuff, I'm taking my exams at the moment but I'll try to update more (I wrote 7 pages in history today and I can't feel my thumb still!) :)_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	8. Couple 12

**12) Mustang x Fuery**

"Fuery, can you come into my office for a second?" Mustang asked as he stepped out of his office, looking slightly confused and annoyed at the same time.

"Um, sure! Yes Sir," Fuery hesitantly took off his headset and got up from his machinery to enter the Colonel's office. Fuery never liked being called into his office as he always felt like he was going to get his ear chewed out. The first thing that Fuery noticed as he entered the Colonel's office was what looked like a radio.

A radio on fire.

Fuery had to blink at that.

"Sir?" Fuery asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion. Mustang rubbed the back of his neck out of embarrassment.

"Well, I was trying to tune the bastard, but then the button got jammed and when I figured out how to un-jam it, I clicked my fingers out of recognition...and forgot I still...had my glove on." Mustang sheepishly explained. Fuery had to bite back the grin trying to work it's way onto his face.

"Do you want me to have a look at it, Sir?" Fuery asked. By now the fire had calmed down and there were just electrical sparks flying from the radio. Mustang nodded.

"If you could, I'd appreciate it a lot."

Fuery instantly followed the wire of the radio connecting it to the socket and turned off the power and removed the socket so the sparks would reduce in number. They did and now the radio was only smoking. Fuery wiped his glasses with his shirt daintily before peering closer at the radio. Fuery saw that one of the cables was sticking out through the speaker of the radio. Fuery pulled off the speaker cover very carefully. A spark suddenly emitted from the cable, causing Fuery to stumble back in shock.

"Are you all right?" Mustang asked, concern lacing his voice. Fuery nodded.

"I'm fine Sir."

"Be careful."

"Will do." Fuery turned to reassuringly smile at Mustang before turning back to the task at hand. Fuery hesitantly held the green cable between two of his fingers as he slowly inserted the cable back into it's proper position. Fuery then returned the speaker cover and bent his knees as he stood himself back up.

"There you go, tell me if you need anything else," Fuery smiled, getting one in return from Mustang.

"Thank you Fuery. I'll tell you if I do."

Fuery began to walk back out of Mustang's office but the rug of the carpet on the floor had been folded up, making Fuery trip over it.

Fuery braced himself for impact with the floor before he felt two strong arms gripped around his waist and pull him back up.

"I told you to be careful," Mustang smirked. Fuery blushed and adjusted his askewed glasses.

"Ah..yes...thank you, Sir."

"You know Fuery, you're so hesitant. I don't know why. You don't need to be shy you know." Mustang said out of no where. Fuery blinked.

"I'll keep that in mind." Fuery smiled before carefully stepping over the furl in the rug with a great step, making Mustang chuckle.

"Have a good day Fuery."

"You too Sir."

* * *

><p><em>Okay, that was a little more friendship like than love, but that would be too weird writing.<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	9. Couple 13

**13) Breda x Maria Ross**

Maria Ross sighed as she sat at the lunch table in the cafeteria. On her left, Armstrong was boasting to nobody in particular about the sheer masculinity of his moustache and to her right Denny Brosh was constantly trying to hug her and awkwardly show her affection. She couldn't help but sigh out of relief when she saw Colonel Mustang's crew walk over to their table. Mustang and Hughes began to quarrel with each other, Fuery and Falman made light conversation with Denny Brosh and Hawkeye was trying to politely excuse herself from Armstrong's company.

"Hey, you alright?" Breda asked, smiling down at Maria Ross. She just shrugged.

"Just hungry. I left my money at home," She explained. Breda frowned and then began to dig his hand through his trouser's pockets before successfully pulling out a cheese and tomato sandwich wrapped in cling-film. He tossed the sandwich to her.

"Enjoy it. Plenty more where that came from," Breda winked before chuckling and walking off to re-join with his crew who were seated around another table.

"Th-thank you!" Maria called after Breda before eating the sandwich.

* * *

><p>"For you," Breda placed a pickle and cheese sandwich in front of Maria before walking by onto Mustang's table. Maria couldn't help but smile. Even though she had brought her money with her the next day, before she got the chance to order lunch Breda had given her a sandwich. Each day in the next two weeks this pattern continued.<p>

"Hey, since when do you get along with Breda?" Denny Brosh pouted, glaring at the sandwich as if the food was competing for Maria's affection. Maria just rolled her eyes.

"Just eat your lunch, Brosh," Maria grumbled, getting fed up with the clinginess of Brosh.

* * *

><p>"H-hey, everything alright?" Breda asked as he heard Maria Ross blowing her nose into a tissue. Maria looked up at him with slightly red and puffy eyes.<p>

"Yeah, just b-broke up with D-Denny," Maria explained, rubbing at her eyes. Breda glanced around the cafeteria and saw Denny talking with a bunch of his friends at a different table. He quickly glared at Brosh before setting himself down next to Maria and awkwardly rubbing her back.

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking," Breda hastily added, still awkwardly rubbing Maria's back.

"He got j-jealous of you," Maria replied before she began to hiccup. Breda picked up the glass of water on the table and gave it to her.

"Drink this."

Once Maria finished the drink, Breda offered her a smile.

"It seemed like you weren't happy with him, at least from what I could tell," Breda paused as Maria gave him a puzzled stare, "I mean, whenever I saw you at lunch, you'd just look frustrated with him. I also noticed you'd never have a lunch."

"Is that why you-"

"Uh-huh," Breda nodded, grinning. Maria had to smile at him.

"Thank you. For cheering me up and the sandwiches, which are quite delicious might I add."

Breda laughed.

"If you ever want to taste my other cooking, feel free to come round any time and I'll whip you up a real treat," Breda winked with a smirk.

"I just might take you up on that offer," Maria laughed. Maria saw that Mustang's crew kept looking over to their table, "Go back to your group, I'll be alright."

"If you're sure. See you around, hopefully looking happier," Breda smiled as he got up and left.

* * *

><p><em>One of my headcanon's for Breda is that he is a perfect gentleman, I tried to show that here. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!<em>

_Also, I've decided once I've done all 89 couples I'm going to stop writing for FMA, just so you know._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	10. Couple 14

**14) Gluttony x Lust**

"Lust, Lust!" GLuttony called as he hauled a brown sack over to Lust, who was gazing at the setting sun over the Ishvallan village the military was planning to infiltrate. She tunred around, slightly uninterested.

"What is it Gluttony?"

"For you!" Gluttony revealed the contents of the bag and showed Lust a badly made cake. Red icing was covering what looked like stale crusts, and the entity was covered in glitter. In bright big pink words there was written FOR MY LUST with an awkward icing heart next to the writing. Lust couldn't help but smile at the sight. Honestly, Gluttony was an idiot-and idiot with his heart in the right place. It was at moment's like this she wondered how he could be the monster holding a gate.

But that wasn't the point at the moment, so Lust bent down to Gluttony to give him a quick peck on the mouth. Gluttony looked up at her with curious eyes.

"I did well?"

"Yes, very well. Now let's go eat the ca-" Lust stopped speaking to see that Gluttony had already eaten the cake.

"Oops!" Gluttony cried with a small burp. Lust sighed. Well the moment was nice while it lasted.

* * *

><p><em>I'll be away for a week from tomorrow so there'll be no updates until I get back, so Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, have a Crazy Kwanza or what holiday you celebrate!<em>

_-Snoring Tiger._


	11. Couple 15

**15) Havoc x Breda**

"YO, MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER!"

"Havoc are you drunk again?"

"I SWEAR TO DRUNK I'M NOT GOD."

"You're drunk."

"I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT. LIFE-THREATENINGLY IMPORTANT."

"...What would that be?"

"BREDA. I KNOW WE HAVE A BROMANCE NOW, RIGHT?"

"If you say so."

"Just know that...I really love you and want to remove the B from our Bromance."

"Alright, time for bed. DON'T TRY TO KISS ME YOU IDIOT!"

* * *

><p><em>Don't ask...don't ask.<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	12. Couple 16

**16) Edward x Riza**

Riza sighed as she opened the door to the office. On her way up to the office she had been forced to put on a fake smile as she waded through the throngs of people celebrating Valentine's Day in the hallways by giving cards and chocolates to each other. It's not like she didn't enjoy celebrating friends, it's just when that mixed with her work she was not pleased with the festivities.

Not to her surprise, she found the office was empty upon her arrival. Honestly, the crew she was with always tried their luck on Valentines Day, and only Roy ever usually got a phone number.

The room was not as empty as she thought, as she heard a squeak. She turned her head ot see a twelve-year old Edward Elric inching closely towards the door, his face a brigh tred. Riza's maternal side kicked in.

"Edward, are you okay? Do you have a fever?" Riza asked, moving closer to the boy. This just caused Edward to break out into nervous laughter with shifty eyes before randomly making a dash for the exit. Riza was confused to say the least.

That was, until she got to her desk, where she saw a small bag of slightly burnt home-made chocolates on her desk. She opened the bag and popped a chocoalte into her mouth with a smile on her face.

Children could be so sweet sometimes.

* * *

><p><em>THIS IS ONE-SIDED, just so you don't get the wrong idea. Sorry I haven't updated much, I fail. Out of interest, if you leave a review could you please state your age? I'm just curious as to the demographic this story is reaching (you don't have to if yo udon't want to).<em>

_I'll try to update more! I promise~_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	13. Couple 17

**17) Kimblee x Riza**

Riza looked around at the battlefield with weary eyes. She had been here for far too long-the toll of seeing all the bodies, the blood, the devastation that was being inflicted upon the Ishvallans was beginning to build up on her.

She had to get out of here.

So in the middle of the night, whilst on watch as sniper, she simply stood up from her post and walked out of the building, away from the battle field and out onto one of the rubble roads leading to Central City. Riza tried to suppress the sure feeling of guilt beginning to build up in her stomach but she tried her best to ignore it as she wearily continued to walk in the middle of the night.

A little _too_ easily she thought, and rightfully so.

"Where do you think you're going, soldier?" Riza heard the voice of the legendary Crimson Alchemist demand behind her. Riza turned around to look at the man. Like herself, his eyes were hardened with war and he also had tell-tale signs of exhaustion, such as the large shadows under his eyes and blinking more than necessary. Not unlike many of the other soldiers, he appeared to have cracked. His menacing grin and glint of insanity sparkling in his eyes made Riza have to stop herself from physically shivering.

"What are you doing up so late?" Riza replied.

"Looking out for soldiers such as yourself, thinking they can just leav-wait, hold up a second." Kimblee paused to inspect Riza's face before he let out a bark of laughter. "Hah, well will you look at that. The legendary 'Hawk Eyes' is being a quitter! Wait 'til the others hear about it...especially what's his name? Mustang?"

Riza's eyes widened.

"No...I was just taking a walk, that's all," Riza weakly explained, looking down at the road. Of course. It was impossible to even think that she would be able to leave with no consequences, just like that. She had her duty, she needed to protect her fellow companions. It was stupid for her to think otherwise.

"Of course you were, now come one!" Kimblee slung an arm around her shoulder and began to walk both of them back to their campsite.

For the most part, they walked in silence. When Riza saw the fire from one of the camp sites though, she stopped walking. Kimblee turned around to look at her.

"What's wrong?" He asked coldly.

"I...I can't do it...how do you manage? The death...the bodies...I just...I..." Much to Riza's frustration, she couldn't hold back some of the tears that were waiting to spill from her eyes. Kimblee just laughed.

"Want to know how I do it? Don't attach yourself emotionally to every Ishvallan you meet. You'll crack if you do..." Kimblee didn't really know what to do after that, so he simply squeezed her shoulder before walking back to his tent. With a wave of his hand, he called behind his shoulder "If you ever want another walk like this again, feel free to ask."

Riza was left standing alone in the dirt. Furiously, she wiped the tears from her face and marched back to her previous post. She knew that he was right, she knew that he was insane, she knew she shouldn't trust him, but she knew that he helped her and she knew he would meet him again.

* * *

><p><em>I...have no excuse for this late update OTL But in a couple of days the thing that's been distracting me will be over so I'll be able to write more drabbles faster! <em>

_I just noticed that I seem to use Riza a lot..._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	14. Couple 18

**18) Olivier x Mustang**

Mustang glared over at the blonde mop of hair from the other side of the bar. Mustang considered the fact that he may have drunk more than he intended to, because for a split second it appeared that Olivier actually didn't look as cold as usual...rather, she was actually _gazing _at him. Mustang rubbed his eyes blearily (though he was rubbing his nose at first, he drank _way _more than he intended to) and looked back into her soft blue eyes.

Standing up on shaky legs, Mustang manoeuvred his way over to Olivier and –after a few minutes- stumbled his way over to the blonde and proceeded to lean on her shoulder, and by lean I mean lay.

"Did anyone ever tell you how gorgeous you were!" Mustang declared, waving his arms wildly. Olivier gazed up at his face lovingly.

"Did anyone tell you how spectacularly *hic* handsome you are?" Olivier slurred. Mustang wiggled his eyebrows.

"They don't call me the Flame Alchemist for nothing!"

"Oh Roy!" Olivier cried, fluttering her eye lids. Just as Mustang was going to lean into the kiss, he realised something very important.

"Wait a second, you hate me! I guess I'll have to find someone else," Mustang pulled himself off Olivier's shoulder before collapsing on the floor and snoring loudly.

* * *

><p><em>I think this proves why I shouldn't write in the morning. <em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	15. Couples 19 to 20

**18) Roy x Roy**

Roy finished shaving and placed his shaving cream back inside his bathroom cabinet before catching another glance at himself in the mirror. He stroked his freshly shaved chin and smirked at the reflection.

"Hey there handsome, how you doing?" Roy winked at the mirror and ran a finger through his recently washed hair, "You know, it's not fair that someone as stunning as you can't get all the ladies. I get more than Havoc but y'know..."

Roy picked up his comb and began to run it through his hair.

"Oh, now you just look amazing. I'd date you Roy." Another wink. "Now, let's go and get us some phone numbers!"

Roy made himself look offended.

"You're number one though, always will be." Roy blew himself a kiss through the mirror before exiting his bathroom and heading to work for the day.

**19) Armstrong x Riza**

"GOOD MORNING MY DEAR LEIUTENNANT, HOW ARE YOU ON THIS FINE AND GLORIOUS DAY?"

"...I'm doing well Major, and yourself?"

"I HAVE BEEN STRIKEN BY A DEADLY FOE!"

"Oh my gosh, are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"I HAVE BEEN STRIKEN BY THE PIERCE OF CUPID'S ARROW! TAKE THESE FLOWERS AS A SIGN OF MY LOVE! HAVE I SUCCESSFULLY WOOED YOU YET? THE ART OF WOOING HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN MY FAMILY FOR GENE-"

Riza took the flowers from Major Armstrong's hands and shoved them in his face with a monotone expression on her face before returning back to her office.

* * *

><p><em>Amazingly enough I didn't die! I've been really busy, sorry!<em>

_Just a bunch of FMA crack for Valentine's Day. If you don't have a date hope this cheers you up and if you do have a date hope these make you laugh :) _

_-Snoring Tiger_


	16. Couple 21

**21. Lan Fan x Lust**

Lan Fan struggled against the bonds tying her to the steel chair she was currently tied to and attempted to wriggle out of the rope. Sadly the rope kept their tight grasp on her. Grunting in frustration, she attempted to twist her head to try and gnaw through some of the rope but she was suddenly stopped by a soft pair of hands lifting her head away from the ropes and Lan Fan was now forced to look into the eyes of Lust.

"My my, it would be no fun if you escaped so soon dear," Lust all but purred, stroking Lan Fan's cheek. Lan Fan had to surpress the urge to spit in the homunculus' face, lest she get pierced by the sharp nails. Instead she settled for glaring intensly into Lust's eyes.

"Aren't you a stubborn one?" Lust stopped rubbing her face and left her hand wandering on Lan Fan's neck. Her nails began to protude and the tip for one nail was worming it's way through Lan Fan's neck. Lan Fan hissed in pain and this time she actually did spit in Lust's face.

"I will never tell you what you want to know!" Lust's eyes flased dangerously and just as she was about to teach some Lan Fan some manners, there was a sudden crash and a cloud of smoke erupted. Lust coughed and shut her eyes tightly. This gave Lan Fan the cover to cut through the rope silently and quickly with her automail arm and jump out of the window a few metres from where Lust was and she ran as fast as possible, not turning back or stopping until she made sure she was well hidden in the sewers. The only noise that could be heard was the splashing of water and Lan Fan's heavy breathing slowly calming down.

"Time to go look for the young master, whever the heck he is..." Lan Fan mumbled to herself, donning her mask before setting off once more. As she stealthily advanced through the sewage network she thought back to what had transpired with Lust and she noticed her face turning pink out of embarassment or how she was blushing. This was the enemy, right? She shouldn't be feeling like this about the enemy. Blasted teenage hormones.

Shaking her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts, she continued on her search to find Ling and focused on keeping the homunculus out of her head.


	17. Couple 22

**22. Hoenheim x Maria Ross**

Walking along to Headquarters that day, there were many things that, as a soldier, Maria Ross would have been completley calm with dealing in. Seeing a bank robbery? Not an issue. Arson? Not a problem! Clingy work problems? Just give them a hug and everything's sorted, no problem.

She was not prepared for a man to run up to her, trip over and land face first in his own bouquet of roses he was carrying.

At first she had to supress the childish desire to laugh at the poor man's fate. Reminding herself that she was a trained soldier who helped citizens, as opposed to laughing at their misfortune, she held a hand out to the blushing man, who gratefully took it and stood up, clutching his flowers.

"Ah, thank you. I'm sorry about that..." The man adjusted his glasses and coughed a few times to try and hide his embarrasment. She laughed warmly and smiled.

"No need to feel embarrased, sir. I deal with my team-mate on a regular basis, and trust me when I say he's a lot like a little kid. The things I put up with for love..." Maria Ross sighed dramatically before turning back to the man. "Oh, sory for just blabbing on! Why were you in a rush? Were you going to see a girl today?" She noticed how a spark that was once present in the mysterious man's eys had been slightly dimished; although not completely it was still noticeable.

"Ah, yeah. You could say that. I have to be going on my way now Maria, thank you for helping me!" With that, the tails of the man's coats blew behind him as the man with the blond ponytail turned around in a hurry and continued on his path. Maria just shrugged at this odd behaviour and thought nothing of this event, continuing her way to work. She greeted everybody at reception, hang up her jacket and took a seat by her desk. As soon as she sat at her desk, she realised-

"When did I ever till him my name?"

* * *

><p><em>Hmm, this one doesn't really fit in either version of the series, so imagine this like in an AU please!<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


	18. Couple 23

**23. Mustang x Ling**

Ling would have preffered to have taken the Colonel by surprise by smashing through the window to his office, but alas the loud grumbling stomach alerted the Colonel of the prince's presence by the window ledge. Mustang sighed and rubbed his temples. He had every right to be exasperated; this was Ling's third visit in the last five hours after all.

"Ling, what do you require _this _time? More food? Another book to read? The desire to distract me from work...again?" Ling laughed as he kicked in the window and did a quick sumersault in the air before landing on his feet in front of the Colonel's desk.

"Hahah, nope! Not this time at least!" Mustang was baffled.

"Then what did you come here for?" Ling smiled softly as he walked his way around Mustang's desk and forced the man into an embrace.

"To thank you!"

"Thank me fore what?"

"Well, Lan-Fan told me that I had to thank you for always putting up with my misbehaviour and for stealing your food and for that one prank involving the balloon and fake moustache, although you have to admit that was pretty funny! Oh right, I went off track. Anyway, thanks for all that junk! Also thank you for protecting me even though I'm technically a criminal. It means a lot to me." Mustang was in a slight daze from Ling's loud rambing but blinked and comprehended what he had just said in a matter of seconds.

"No need to apologise; we're working towards a comman goal after all. Though it _would _be great if you could stop barging in here randomly." Mustang added as an after thought, making Ling grin.

"I apolosige for that," Ling beant down and quickly pecked an innocent kiss on Mustang's cheek before flying out of the window before Mustang could say anything. Mustang blinked rapidly, smiled to himself and turned back to his paper work at hand.

Little did he know that the next time he would see Ling would be in months.

* * *

><p><em>To the person who was on Anonymous reviewing and pointed out how the last chapter wasn't exactly crack, thank you so much! Ugh, I dunno how I forgot that episode in the series, stupid me.<em>

_Snoring Tiger_


	19. Author's Note

_**Hey guys, hope you're all doing well.**_

_**I'm sorry. As many of you know, I've been drifting away from FMA more and more and as such, my muse for this series is dead. I've had great fun writing for this fandom and these list fics but I'm done now. I just can't do it.**_

_**I'll be taking this down in a couple of days unless people still want this up. If anybody wants to continue this in my place just drop me a PM. You'll definetely be able to take over, I'll just need to know who you are first.**_

_**So yeah, this fic was a fun ride but it's a shame I started it near the end of my muse so this list fic is dead.**_

_**Again, I'm sorry. Feel free to take it off your watch lists.**_

_**-Snoring Tiger**_


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